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People ask the darndest things

1 Dec
Anonymous asks the questions

Ask and ye shall be pitied and such

Something I’ve noticed since being engaged for more than six months (!): people dread making small talk to me.  It’s nothing personal I understand, more a fear, a dread, a loathing to prod the elephant in the room with a giant cattle prod.

“How are the wedding plans going?”

It seems innocuous enough, up there with discussions about weather, weekend plans or football (or in the case of Victoria, all three at once).  Yet it now promotes a degree of trepidation in the social paradigm of question and answer for both parties.

The “asker” has heard it all before.  Chances are they’ve been closely involved in wedding preparations for their brother/cousin/best friend previously and are thus well versed in the rigmarole of table arrangements and flower colour schemes.  They ask out of a mild interest, out of an expectation that it’s the right thing to do.

The “askee” on the other hand feels a sense of dread, of both pressure and pride. A feeling of not wanting to shut off and ignore social convention entirely by not responding appropriately, but also of not going overboard and filling the “asker” in with mindless details about the stitching on the seven bridesmaids corsets or why Auntie Judy is now lactose intolerant.

The resulting conversation is nearly always brief and awkward, like an incomplete handshake.

“So, um, yeah how are the wedding plans going? Good?”
“Yeah, um, pretty good, just ticking things off you know? Saving madly. The usual.”
“Heh. Yeah man, I hear you.”
“Well, not long to go now hey?  I’m sure you’ll get it all done!”

So can I just say this to all of my close friends and colleagues, dear readers all of them.  This is not a plea to stop asking.  This is me simply saying “I understand”.  I understand if you really can’t be arsed to ask.  I understand if you don’t really care, and in turn, understand that I’m not being obstructionist if I don’t give you a massive rambling answer about all the latest developments.  Know that I’m saving us from an awkward conversation neither of us have to have (though if you really want to know more, just press me – it’ll be like a secret bat-signal for “Go on, seriously, I am all ears.”)


One Year To Go

12 Nov
Europe: The Final Countdown

It's as good a time as any for this...

Small milestone today: we’re officially one year out from the wedding.

We may not have any idea what the table settings will look like.  We still don’t have a firm idea on the sort of entertainment to provide bar what is sure to be a hilarious wedding dance to Dizzee Rascal’s ‘Bonkers’ (lucky for me my future bride doesn’t read this blog).   I don’t know what colour suit I’m supposed to wear, though a Flava Flav inspired costume is not out of the questions.  But the exciting news is WE STILL HAVE 12 MONTHS TO PLAN, STUFF UP AND PLAN AGAIN! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The good news is, like most things in life, weddings are an incredible LEARNING opportunity.  For example, I know now that:

  • Cakes are REALLY expensive, particularly given they don’t really matter (oooo controversial!)
  • A car is a car.  Dude, I’m proud for you that you have a pink stretch Hummer, but it’s not going to get me to Warragul any quicker than my Honda Accord, and I dare say my turning circle will be smaller too.
  • Picking a bridal dance song is a minefield.  Nine Inch Nails? Bad.  Anything from the Verve back catalogue?  You’re getting somewhere.

And now I find out that post-wedding it only gets more confusing.

Still! Onwards and upwards!

Weddings: now with added class, fries

14 Oct

Somewhat scary news out of Hong Kong today that McDonalds now offers, wait for it, wedding packages.

Hong Kong will be the first city in the world to roll out McDonald’s nuptial packages for couples starting January 1 next year.  The package has all the details to attract a wedding banquet cynic or a Golden Arches obsessive: a baked apple pie wedding cake, dress made out of party balloons, kiddie party favors for guests, and of course, catering by McDonald’s.

I’m actually kind of surprised its taken them this long to cash in on the most special of special days, but I reckon they could have gone further.  Happy Meal toys are just begging to be upgraded to bonbonerie status for one, while nothing says ‘professional wedding’ more than matching branded cutlery, table decorations and serviettes.  Plus there’s a whole side industry available for printing Hamburgler style invitations.

And fair play to the couple who went for it; hell, if its a sentimental spot for you why wouldn’t you do it there?!


24 Aug

Hi there!  Thanks for taking the time to check out Two Weeks One Date, a blog that has more potential than an AFL Rising Star nominee.

I’ve just started tinkering with the theme and populating some content around the place, so have a look around and let me know if you find any errors or room for improvement.  Why not check out the ABOUT section in the top right for starters?

I’d also welcome your thoughts on an acronym, I’m thinking something akin to a snappy Twitter #hashtag.  How about #2Weeks1Date? #2WKS1DTE? #2W1D?